it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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