Say something about gay babies.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
