I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
