When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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