I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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