After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
