I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
