I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
