Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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