I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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