Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
