pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
