there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
