Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All the doctor said was why
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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