Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
