She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
