it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
