you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
