Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
