I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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