I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
