He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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