We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
