I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
