We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
