i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
