Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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