i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
