covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
as a side note pls kill me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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