You're so nebulous sometimes
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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