I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
