the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
