And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
