he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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