also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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