you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
