Fuck appropriateness.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I cut my penus on the lid.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just blew my weed a kiss
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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