I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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