Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
