I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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