apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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