Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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