would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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