I accidentally had phone sex last night
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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