You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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