Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
