i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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