allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
