drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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