Need sex. Gaining weight.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
