YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
