random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
